So I am new to this whole Bogspot thing. I have many friends who have blogged about numerous events in their lives.
Its my turn.
I'm starting this blog to follow my pregnancy that I just learned about 2 days ago. This pregnancy is a happy event in my life but also very clouded with fear. Last year I lost my son, Christopher Charles Franco, to cervical incompetence.
We found out last June that we were pregnant, and Chris and I were excited. Chris couldn't keep it in and called everyone he knew and told them all. We waited for the day to get to the Dr for the first time. Dr. Genobaga had been a couple of my friends doctors and I chose him because of their recommendations. We went to all of the appointments excitedly awaiting the day we would know if it was a boy or girl. The day we found out we were having a son, we announced it to everyone by wearing shirt's we made that said its a boy!!!
When I was about 22 weeks Chris and I decided we would take a quick weekend away just the two of us before things started to get hectic. We decided to head to Dillon's beach and camp for a couple nights. The first night we were there we set up camp and had a really great night. We played cards in our tent, took a walk on the beach, spent quality time. Our world came crashing down first thing the next morning.
I woke up not feeling well. I was kind of crampy and had an upset stomach. It was still really early and cold so my walk to the outhouse style bathroom they have was not so pleasant. I was shocked and scared when I realized I was bleeding. I moved quickly. I went back to the tent. I will admit I was freaking out. Chris and I got dressed as quickly as we can and got in the truck. We headed to the ranger station to ask for some directions and were told the closest hospital is in petaluma. I got on the phone with the Dr. Genobaga who told us that I should eat and relax and get in to see someone if I was concerned.
We started our drive to the hospital and very quickly the situation got worse. I was having serious and severe contractions the entire way there, not to mention we had no clue where we were going. We were both very stressed and totally out of it. When we got to the hospital, they were great, but sadly we were not fast enough. In the waiting room while we were waiting to be taken up to ob/gyn, my water broke.
My first thought was its way to early. I needed to tell Chris. I have three children, I have been through birth and labor and all that but he had never. I had to tell him that that meant there was no baby. I just cried on his shoulder when I told him. I felt like I had taken away all his hopes and dreams and crushed them. He just cried. they took us up and got me hooked up to monitors. after a bit they came in to tell us that Christopher was still alive, his little heart was beating, but it was slowing down and will eventually stop.
I felt stabbed.... I felt like the world was unfair... what did we do to deserve this. To deserve to lose something we never even knew we wanted so much. It was the hardest labor I ever had. Even though he was just shy of two pounds the pain I felt was probably more emotional than physical. The fact that there was no one else there to support us or to be there was even harder. To be the one to call your friends and family was so hard. After little Chris was born the nurses took him right away to clean him up so we could hold him just once.
Sometimes we wonder if we made the right choice seeing him. He was so little and frail. He was innocent and so deserving of everything in life but instead was lifeless and tiny. Having gone through childbirth before it was probably a different experience for me than it was for
Chris and most of my heartbreak came from knowing that this was his first baby. His first attempt at life and it had been taken from him.
I felt very responsible.
Maybe if I hadn't moved that big picnic table with Chris when we were setting up camp, maybe if I had seen the doctor on Friday instead of waiting till Monday, Maybe there was something I could have done differently to save my son. I felt like I had taken something from him.
Chris Dad came that night to support us, he was the only one who came. I had to stay another day at the hospital because of some bleeding issues so Chris and his dad were forced to take down camp alone. The only other stop we made before leaving town was at the funeral home to pick up our sons ashes. Choosing my sons urn was the last thing I thought I would have to do on our little camping trip. Now that urn, a year or more later, still sits in the same spot. With a keepsake box with my little Chris's footprints and cribcard, the blanket they wrapped him in when they brought him to see us, and his little hat that swallowed his tiny little head. that box is a really sad thing for us. I am hoping someday we can come to a more permanent and established spot for my little guy....but for now he stays.
When we returned home we went to see Dr. Genobaga for a follow up and to discuss what happened. He diagnosed me with and incompetent cervix. Too many babies and dncs have made my cervix a wimp. Cant do its job. The doc told me to wait a bit before getting pregnant again and that if we decided to do it again things would be different the next time around. He told me to google cervical cerclage and do some of my own research.
I took the depo shot to prevent an instant pregnancy and it worked... for a year lol. We weren't exactly trying but we weren't not trying either. Sometimes I would buy tests and try it out and sometimes I would just wait and be disappointed when I started my period again. Finally on November 2009 we had a few friends over to visit and I was decorating the house for Christmas. I went to put some things in my hall closet and realized there was an old box of things I had pulled out of my car recently that had been jammed in the closet to be out of the way. In the box there was a pregnancy test.
I didn't say a word. I went to the bathroom as if it was nothing, not expecting anything other than a single line. I peed and it started to show a faint second line....I was shocked. I stared for a few minutes and finally got up the nerve to call chris in. I told him "i need your opinion, does it look like there's a line there to you" his smile said enough. He agreed. I asked him to please not say a word and to take me to Walgreen's so we could get a brand new test and make sure.
That night we bought a two pack. The first one I took showed a second line again but it was still faint. having been pregnant 4 times already I had NEVER had a faint line always there always obvious. I told him I would wait till morning when my pee was stronger. The next morning we got the same result. Chris was so paranoid the test may be wrong he made me buy a digital test. One that says pregnant or not pregnant. I drove to work that morning bought a test on the way and of course...pregnant.
Chris and I have been discussing when and who to tell. We want to keep this one private for a while. for just us and our family and VERY close friends to share. I cant handle another situation like last time. Where were out in town and a friend of a friend who knew we were expecting but has no clue we lost tells me you look great and hows the pregnancy. explaining was the worst. I don't want to do it again.
So I have read up on the Cervical Cerclage and am awaiting my first Dr. appt with Genobaga to hear his info on the subject. I am taking it extremely easy, just for precaution. And last but not least I decided to start this blog. I am hoping that telling my story, sharing it, can bring me some closure with my son and maybe even bring me closer to some people who know all about this and can share stories and tips. I don't know anyone who has had a cerclage personally or many people who have miscarried later in pregnancy. I am hoping for some support from people who have been there. My first post was long and I hope I never have to tell a story like this again. I will keep you updated.....
Its my turn.
I'm starting this blog to follow my pregnancy that I just learned about 2 days ago. This pregnancy is a happy event in my life but also very clouded with fear. Last year I lost my son, Christopher Charles Franco, to cervical incompetence.
We found out last June that we were pregnant, and Chris and I were excited. Chris couldn't keep it in and called everyone he knew and told them all. We waited for the day to get to the Dr for the first time. Dr. Genobaga had been a couple of my friends doctors and I chose him because of their recommendations. We went to all of the appointments excitedly awaiting the day we would know if it was a boy or girl. The day we found out we were having a son, we announced it to everyone by wearing shirt's we made that said its a boy!!!
When I was about 22 weeks Chris and I decided we would take a quick weekend away just the two of us before things started to get hectic. We decided to head to Dillon's beach and camp for a couple nights. The first night we were there we set up camp and had a really great night. We played cards in our tent, took a walk on the beach, spent quality time. Our world came crashing down first thing the next morning.
I woke up not feeling well. I was kind of crampy and had an upset stomach. It was still really early and cold so my walk to the outhouse style bathroom they have was not so pleasant. I was shocked and scared when I realized I was bleeding. I moved quickly. I went back to the tent. I will admit I was freaking out. Chris and I got dressed as quickly as we can and got in the truck. We headed to the ranger station to ask for some directions and were told the closest hospital is in petaluma. I got on the phone with the Dr. Genobaga who told us that I should eat and relax and get in to see someone if I was concerned.
We started our drive to the hospital and very quickly the situation got worse. I was having serious and severe contractions the entire way there, not to mention we had no clue where we were going. We were both very stressed and totally out of it. When we got to the hospital, they were great, but sadly we were not fast enough. In the waiting room while we were waiting to be taken up to ob/gyn, my water broke.
My first thought was its way to early. I needed to tell Chris. I have three children, I have been through birth and labor and all that but he had never. I had to tell him that that meant there was no baby. I just cried on his shoulder when I told him. I felt like I had taken away all his hopes and dreams and crushed them. He just cried. they took us up and got me hooked up to monitors. after a bit they came in to tell us that Christopher was still alive, his little heart was beating, but it was slowing down and will eventually stop.
I felt stabbed.... I felt like the world was unfair... what did we do to deserve this. To deserve to lose something we never even knew we wanted so much. It was the hardest labor I ever had. Even though he was just shy of two pounds the pain I felt was probably more emotional than physical. The fact that there was no one else there to support us or to be there was even harder. To be the one to call your friends and family was so hard. After little Chris was born the nurses took him right away to clean him up so we could hold him just once.
Sometimes we wonder if we made the right choice seeing him. He was so little and frail. He was innocent and so deserving of everything in life but instead was lifeless and tiny. Having gone through childbirth before it was probably a different experience for me than it was for
Chris and most of my heartbreak came from knowing that this was his first baby. His first attempt at life and it had been taken from him.
I felt very responsible.
Maybe if I hadn't moved that big picnic table with Chris when we were setting up camp, maybe if I had seen the doctor on Friday instead of waiting till Monday, Maybe there was something I could have done differently to save my son. I felt like I had taken something from him.
Chris Dad came that night to support us, he was the only one who came. I had to stay another day at the hospital because of some bleeding issues so Chris and his dad were forced to take down camp alone. The only other stop we made before leaving town was at the funeral home to pick up our sons ashes. Choosing my sons urn was the last thing I thought I would have to do on our little camping trip. Now that urn, a year or more later, still sits in the same spot. With a keepsake box with my little Chris's footprints and cribcard, the blanket they wrapped him in when they brought him to see us, and his little hat that swallowed his tiny little head. that box is a really sad thing for us. I am hoping someday we can come to a more permanent and established spot for my little guy....but for now he stays.
When we returned home we went to see Dr. Genobaga for a follow up and to discuss what happened. He diagnosed me with and incompetent cervix. Too many babies and dncs have made my cervix a wimp. Cant do its job. The doc told me to wait a bit before getting pregnant again and that if we decided to do it again things would be different the next time around. He told me to google cervical cerclage and do some of my own research.
I took the depo shot to prevent an instant pregnancy and it worked... for a year lol. We weren't exactly trying but we weren't not trying either. Sometimes I would buy tests and try it out and sometimes I would just wait and be disappointed when I started my period again. Finally on November 2009 we had a few friends over to visit and I was decorating the house for Christmas. I went to put some things in my hall closet and realized there was an old box of things I had pulled out of my car recently that had been jammed in the closet to be out of the way. In the box there was a pregnancy test.
I didn't say a word. I went to the bathroom as if it was nothing, not expecting anything other than a single line. I peed and it started to show a faint second line....I was shocked. I stared for a few minutes and finally got up the nerve to call chris in. I told him "i need your opinion, does it look like there's a line there to you" his smile said enough. He agreed. I asked him to please not say a word and to take me to Walgreen's so we could get a brand new test and make sure.
That night we bought a two pack. The first one I took showed a second line again but it was still faint. having been pregnant 4 times already I had NEVER had a faint line always there always obvious. I told him I would wait till morning when my pee was stronger. The next morning we got the same result. Chris was so paranoid the test may be wrong he made me buy a digital test. One that says pregnant or not pregnant. I drove to work that morning bought a test on the way and of course...pregnant.
Chris and I have been discussing when and who to tell. We want to keep this one private for a while. for just us and our family and VERY close friends to share. I cant handle another situation like last time. Where were out in town and a friend of a friend who knew we were expecting but has no clue we lost tells me you look great and hows the pregnancy. explaining was the worst. I don't want to do it again.
So I have read up on the Cervical Cerclage and am awaiting my first Dr. appt with Genobaga to hear his info on the subject. I am taking it extremely easy, just for precaution. And last but not least I decided to start this blog. I am hoping that telling my story, sharing it, can bring me some closure with my son and maybe even bring me closer to some people who know all about this and can share stories and tips. I don't know anyone who has had a cerclage personally or many people who have miscarried later in pregnancy. I am hoping for some support from people who have been there. My first post was long and I hope I never have to tell a story like this again. I will keep you updated.....
